Oh Say Can You See This Bullshit… By Joe S. Thomas

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My recommendation to a human being that struggles with depression and anxiety like I do would be to get the fuck away from the foolishness and absurdity that is the United States…  I’ve never left this country though there’s nothing more that I want to do…  It’s a money issue…  Not for lack of wanting, I assure you…  In my day to day life, I stay the fuck away from news media…  There’s nothing I can do to change the situation we are in…  I vote, I try to do my part etc., but it really seems to get me and mine nowhere…  Listening to the nerve wracking, political horseshit is so fucking insane and draining that I make an effort to cut the shit off and somehow step away from all of the swirling garbage that makes up this nation of neurotics and violent fools…  There are some good people here, some musicians, poets, artists, but we are far outnumbered by fucking assholes…  I don’t understand people, and if they truly are the way they depict themselves, I have no desire to…  I should have left this place a long damn time ago…  How can you be “proud” to be an American while everyone is behaving the way they behave…  Fuck this place…  Fuck patriotism…  Fuck ignorance…  I’m over this shit…  I want out…  I want out right fucking now…  If someone gave me a lump sum of money I would probably find a place in another country to live out my remaining years writing and playing music in obscurity with a goddamn smile on my face…  Basically what I’m doing now, just far, far away from where my ass is now seated…  America causes mental illness…  It truly does…  This morning I couldn’t sleep for the usual reasons so I warmed up my truck and went for a drive before heading to the clinic…  Driving through the town in which I live the streets were empty…  I saw the candy canes, Christmas Trees and stockings all made of different colored lights that hang from utility poles and felt absolutely nothing at all…  As a kid these things would make me excited…  Now they seem to hang as a reminder to something I will never feel or be able to get back to again…  I watched the workers at the clinic bring out their festive clothing, preparing for a Christmas office party where they offer us lowly junkies juice and granola bars and some candy I believe…  I just walked on by like a zombie as they all wished me a merry Christmas…  I get embarrassed when people ask me my plans for the holidays because when I tell them I know they feel sorry for me…  I feel sorry for them…  I just wanted to shout into their faces…  It literally puts violence in my bones that people suspend their lives for this shit…  To spend time with people they hate and even purchase them gifts they can’t afford…  As an adult, this shit has never made sense to me and it never will…  I get sad sometimes when I see a family that I know could use a break…  They have children that want and need just like every other child, but there will be nothing for them…  It’s an awful thing to witness…  I prefer to punish my mind, body and soul on these days where people stuff themselves undeservedly in every way and play merry with those they secretly hate…  I will remain alone with my words, my thoughts, my music, and my books…  These are my true friends who have brought me more and made me feel more than any human being could ever dream…  These are the things I’m thankful for…  I hope you and yours do what you do to make this season tolerable for yourselves and others, truly…  Be safe…