Questions Raised By Joe S. Thomas

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I received and started reading a new book today and like good books should do, this one has me thinking and questioning certain things…  The book is volume 1 of 3 volumes called Black Heart Fades Blue By Jerry A. Lang, the singer for the Portland, Oregon punk band Poison Idea…  The first volume, the one I’m now reading, deals with his childhood and I hate to say it, but some of it sounds really familiar to me…  It’s heartbreaking to dwell on, but we have to realize these horrible things happen to children every single day…  Something Jerry mentions and that I myself have struggled with or questioned for years in my alone time battling this brain I was given is the question of when is the dye actually cast…  When is a person’s life unalterable or set on the course that it must or is going to take…  I know it’s a heavy question and depending on what you believe there are several answers you will get from many different people…  The very small, very, very small part of me that tries to be positive wants to say a person can change the trajectory of their lives at any time…  It’s never too late…  But is that really true or is it just something we attempt to comfort ourselves with when life goes sideways and the fucking devil is breathing down our necks again…  For instance, I myself question if I would have made this decision rather than that one, hung out with this person rather than that one, took this street rather than the one I actually took, how much, if at all, would my life be better or worse…  Or would it have any impact at all…  I believe with everything that I am that nature and nurture play probably the biggest role in the way a human being turns out, but are there things that go beyond this…  Are there things in the bloodline from the past that you may not even be aware of affecting the way we are…  Things that can not be changed regardless of any choice we make…  I don’t think this is a silly question to ponder…  I see inexplicable things, people, places that blow my mind almost daily and I wonder just how much control we really have (if any) within our feeble grasps…  Perhaps I think (and worry) too much…  That’s been said before…  But I’d rather have that said about me rather than the opposite…  Some days I feel truly worthless, useless and hundreds of other horrid, depresso emotions…  Some days I feel fairly decent and I may help someone through their day (hopefully) or maybe create a great piece of art that will stand the test of time…  Who knows…  I don’t have many answers friends, but I certainly have a shit ton of questions…  Thanks Jerry A for stoking the fires yet again…  I wish you well, friend…